January 8th, 2010

Is it possible to live entirely without regret? To “live each day to the fullest”, as we are so oft told to do? If each day is full, how do we find time for ourselves? Within this madcap world, the challenge seems to be more of finding that rare unfilled day to do with what you will. “Spend your youth on poetry, and spend your cash at play”…perhaps this is where the answer lies? That seems so frivolous, and yet we never have time for frivolity, we spend too much of it worrying about being happy. Worrying about being happy? What a useless thing, to spend energy fretting about fun, to be so obsessed with that ultimate pleasure that in the end we deny ourselves the very thing which we so dearly covet. Am I happy enough? Is my life fulfilling enough? Who the fuck cares? What’s the point of living without regret if we can’t even figure out if we do or don’t regret life at all? Am I wasting my time pursuing a sport with which my relationship has become increasingly complicated? I wonder if Dan has any regrets. 15 years spend having fun, but was it enough fun, was it worth the sacrifice? Was it actually a sacrifice at all? If the best-spent youth is the one you throw away, how do you justify the loss? Nihilism may be full of righteous exuberance, but it won’t protect you from the cold, comfort you when you realize you’ve got nothing. Then again, neither will a fast 10k time.