It's fairly odd, seeing something you took for granted from the outside. Being at home, in my office/ bedroom working on punk rock essays and sorting out my life while all my friends are in Whitehorse doing what i've done for years takes some getting used to. i can't help but find myself questioning the validity of something i only recently held sacred, but that in itself feels like a betrayal. i'd like to say that self doubt ceased when i left behind what it was i was doubting, but that would be a lie. it never goes away and, as paralyzing as it can sometimes be, i don't think i'd want it to. it was always there when i was racing, i was just afraid to give voice to it. now that i have it's forcing me to explore exactly who i am and what i want to do....something i've been putting off for 5 years.
what's more odd is that everywhere i look i see parodies of my life; the more accomplished ski racer/ writer who quotes Kerouac, the roving journalist who stands up for her captors human rights, hell even the super-spy who works in a department store seems to be a reflection of the places my life could go (minus the gun slinging and helicopters). it's scary having things so wide open, it's like my underbelly is exposed.
White Crosses....hmm. Funny how i'm personally offended that Tom Gabel went in a new direction given that i'm about to do the same. maybe i should give the disc a few more spins, and get over my anxiety of change. all this is coming so fast, this rapid decompression from my old life.
“Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.” -- Dr. Seuss
ReplyDeleteSomeone wise once told me this, well what I thought was someone wise. Who knows, did I read it in a book? Did it come to me in a dream? Was that 'wise' person even wise? What is the definition of wise anyways?
Sounds like whomever has the audacity to deem themselves a wise soul is a very pretentious ass indeed. But no matter if the soul who reiterated this quote to me was lost or found, sinking or floating, thriving or failing, there is much validity in those words.
I find it suiting that such a powerful quote came from one of the simplest authors the world has ever seen. Dr Seuss, a childhood hero who wrote not in big words, used not crazy grammatically correct sentences, spoke not in true English. Rather, who chose to speak to the child in all of us on the simplest of levels.
The very same child who is fighting to be free, but who for the most part is repressed by a society that does not allow or warrant such youthful behaviour. But I say fuck them, damn the man, be carefree, let your inner child run wild. Live your life to the fullest, live like you're dying, hell I don't care just live for the sake of living. Stop worrying about what 'could have' been, start focussing and dreaming on what 'will' be not because fate will take you there, but because you will take yourself there.
'They' say, (again I use this term lightly)
"When one door closes another opens"
This is your great chance to discover all of those doors that are unopened and awaiting your arrival.
Always remember:
"He face's the horizon, everywhere that he goes. He faces the horizon, the horizon is his home"